Music

I know I talked about music last week, and I said that I hadn't uploaded anything yet.... but I've now uploaded 2 of the 7 tracks off the demo I've been working on for the summer, and you should definitely check 'em out at www.virb.com/directions because I think you'll enjoy it. Also, I have a myspace now, its nothing yet, but I'll put most of the songs up there, as well... The address is www.myspace.com/jeffreymartinmusic.

Its been a while...

I know, I know, its been like 3 months since I posted anything apart from my thoughts on music downloads, but you know what? I just haven't felt like posting here.
This summer has been good. I had my own apartment, I mean, sure, it was a subleased apartment, so I was basically sharing space with a non-existent person, and I never unpacked my stuff, but, I mean, still, it was good to have my own space. I walked everywhere I could because I went down to the village as much as possible. I drank a lot of coffee, and made flyers for St. B's, I saw a few friends, and did a lot of what could best be described as "hanging out".
Over this past semester of school I didn't have a guitar, but I managed to get some writing in, and realized once I got back to nashville that I had enough musical material to actually put together a demo CD. So, over the second to last week of June, I holed myself up in a house I was house sitting for and just went to work. I recorded the basic guitar and vocal tracks together, and then recorded the back-up vocals. I mean, its just vocals and guitar, but it actually turned out pretty quality. I haven't uploaded the songs yet, because I want to create a cover of some sort (but I might just give up on that idea for now), but if you want you can check out my virb site at http://www.virb.com/directions and you can hear what I recored before I got this demo together.

Other than that I went to San Francisco with St. B's, and that was cool, challenging all around, but it was really cool to see such an amazing city. It makes me want to be able to feel like I felt there.... everywhere. Before that I went to my brother Kit's graduation in upstate new york, and that was cool. I had met all of his friends over easter break earlier this year, and it was cool to see them again. Also, of course, just to see him graduate was awesome, because he's such an amazing person, its cool to get to see him continue to grow like that.

Other than all that stuff I've just spent a lot of time by myself, writing in my journal, walking, playing music, trying to write some more songs (which there has a been a little bit of success in), and just generally enjoying the quiet of a city.
I am ready to go back to Chicago, but I am a little hesitant... because its just such a different way of life to be there, instead of here, and its kind of difficult to see the two worlds as one. Also I have changed since I left.... in little ways, not huge changes, but just... small things. I don't know, its hard to describe, but my focus has shifted, especially with this change to a Music Composition major, I feel like my goals in life have become more.... realistic, instead of being lofty and idealistic, I am going for something I can actually attain, and that's what my entire life has become.... trying to get to real things, trying to get real things, and trying to surround myself with real people.

Am I excited about this semester you might be asking yourself...you're damned right I'm excited about this semester, hell, not just this semester, but my whole life right now. I feel like things are where they are supposed to be and that, my friends, is a good feeling.
peace.

Music and its propriety

So I am in a constant struggle as to the propriety of music downloading. Here is the issue as I see it: music is best when it is heard. Bluntly, unless I listen to an album, I do not want to buy it. Everytime I've ever bought an album on name/band alone, I have been sorely disappointed – switchfoot, death cab for cutie, dashboard confessional, etc (you may be saying to yourself "what the hell was he doing listening to those bands in the first place?", I will be the first to second that sentiment). I want to hear an album all the way through, because, bluntly, I am a consumer, I want to know that my hard earned money isn't being wasted on some piece of crap record that has no merit whatsoever. I want to rest assured that my music isn't good for the first couple songs, and then crap for the only 10 (or 8 as the trend has been recently) songs on the album. I will use my current favourite album (maybe of all time) as a perfect example why this system works: The new Islands record, I downloaded it on a whim, and listened to it once and was like "huh, this is interesting... very different from the Unicorns (the lead singer's previous band), and I think that's a good thing", but upon listening to it a very hundred more times since I got it back in april, I have fallen very deeply in love with, because, frankly, its an an awesome record, that has some of the creepiest and most perfectly whimsical lyrics around – "remember who was in my arms, remember when I had arms..." etc. However, I never would have just bought this record on a whim, having not really enjoyed the Islands' first record all that much, I wouldn't have relied on the band name alone to push me into buying this record. However, having been given the time to listen to this incredible record I love this thing to death, and might always love this record – we'll see.
Another perfect example is Bon Iver. An incredible artist who crafts sound like its nobody's business (because, in this case, that's actually true). I first listened to Bon Iver upon recommendation from my friend. She told me I should listen to this one song called "Skinny Love" ––which I highly recommend you check out, because its unlike anything you've heard before. Upon listening to the song via their virb/myspace I was like, "I want more", so I listened to the rest of the album online, and then when they came to town I had to see them, because I had so fallen in love with their sound. My question is: how is seeing a band live any different than downloading their album online? The music is freely given, and with anticipation and hope that you will like it, and want to come back time and time again. Okay, yeah, you have to pay for a concert, and most of the money goes directly to the artist via shows, unlike with record sales. However, my logic is if I hear a bunch of really good music I am more willing to buy it. Now, with Bon Iver I actually didn't hear the entire record, apart from live, until two days ago when I went to the record store and bought a brand new copy of "For Emma, Forever Ago", because I wanted to support an artist I like so much.
Which actually brings me to my final point, something that I thought of the other day when I was buying CDs, and actually became very perplexed and confused by, and a little worried, because I'm not sure where this fits into my schema... so I'm a little shaken up by it. So, if you download a CD an artist makes no money off that record sale and the way that you show your appreciation for an artist is to buy the record for yourself, and actually use your money to say what you cannot say in person – most of the time. Okay, well when you buy a used record it is exactly the same. True, the artist already received that money for the initial record sold, but they don't make anything off of your current purchase, so how is buying a used record any better than just illegally downloading the record? ––besides supporting your local record store, of course. That is why I bought a new copy of Bon Iver and not a used one. I did, however, by a used copy of Rabbit Fur Coat, by Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins, and that worried me a lot, because I love Jenny Lewis and I want to support her, but by buying that album used I have done nothing of the sort....I don't know.
So, in short, illegal downloading has led to my new favourite music, so I don't understand how it can be considered wrong... sure, I want to get paid as much as the next guy, but buying records doesn't always equate to financial stability to the artists themselves.
Peace.

yeeesssss

The semester's over.... its.... nice. I am pleasantly surprised by how it ended. I walked out of my international politics final with my paper in hand..... it had a big fat 92 written on it... I was blown away. Not that I didn't put enough work into the thing, but I definitely failed to answer about half the questions on the list of things that our teacher wanted. If I had put them all in the thing would have been anywhere from 30-45 pages, I mean, it was an ethnic conflict paper on the Hutu-Tutsi conflict, not just in Rwanda, but all over Africa... because it stretches that far.
Anyway, its nice to be done, I really feel like this last week has been the most.... school-like of the entire semester. The rest of its kind of felt like a dream, but this week, I don't know, I feel like it all clicked, it was weird.

I head home on Tuesday, and, again, I'm pretty excited. Oh, you may be wondering why I called it home. Here's my logic: anywhere place that you long for when you aren't there is home. Its true for Chicago, its true for Nashville, and its true for Africa.... I gotta get back there sometime soon, the homesickness is piling up.
Peace.

Class is over

As I am not going to my final class of this semester I am officially done with class. I still have finals next week, which only one of them is going to suck, and, like, its going to suck big time. International Politics has been a complete bitch this entire semester, this next week will be no different.

I changed my major this week, I am now officially a music major, and I couldn't be happier. Even though I know its going to be hard beyond reason, I'll be interested and involved in the subject matter personally, so I'll be able to struggle through it and feel like it had some purpose, which, I believe that it does. I have been resisting it for so long now because I didn't want to pick something "selfish", but what I think I've come to is that if I'm happy I'll be able to spread that happiness to other people and be more whole as a person if I choose something that brings me life. I switched from Theology because I realized that when its all said and done, and college is over, I don't really want to have this body of knowledge that involves theories about things that are out there.... instead I want to have some practical skill, and I've always found music to be incredible practical, that may sound weird, but I believe that if you have the ability to sing, play guitar, play piano, compose, and just have a broad knowledge of music theory, you can actually find a job. Of course I may have to live in Nashville for the rest of my life, because that's the only place that that sort of work is in abundance, but I love Nashville, so I wouldn't complain too much. So yeah, Jeffrey is now officially a music major, and couldn't be happier with his decision.

I also got my two acoustic guitars recently, and they are absolutely wonderful. I'll be done with class in a week and I will be able to get back to writing and recording music again, and hopefully find some time to read, too, which I am greatly enthused about.
Anyhoo, I just wanted to update because lots of things have been happening.
peace.

Man...

I wish I knew what it meant to be a man, because I would very much like to be one.

...and they laughed...

So I was taking the train back up to Loyola tonight, and the strangest thing happened. A man came onto the train car that I was on, as seems to happen so often, and he started asking us for our attention "Attention ladies and gentlemen, please, your attention please" he said. However, usually when people do this it is because they are announcing that they were convicted felons and are telling us that they just "need a few bucks to get a tie" as they usually say. This guy, wasn't doing that though, this guy was selling art. Some of it was stuff he had put together, or done, himself, some of it was published collections, and most importantly he was selling his poetry for "only a dollar", but... I couldn't afford it, I honestly couldn't even give this man a dollar for his poetry, because I didn't have even that, because I am a broke college student who's annual outflow of money is higher than probably 65% of the population's income. The worst part wasn't the fact that I couldn't help him, the worst part was that this guy was just trying to sell something that we could all use a little more of in our lives and they laughed – the people on the train openly mocked him, and I did nothing. I can really relate to this guy, though, this guy who's just trying to make an honest living selling art, and nobody gives a shit, and actually, actively dislikes him for it, that freaking sucks. Sometimes, if you can't get a job all you have left is your art, and if no one is willing to buy what you create, what do you have left?

Waves

When I was kid, we lived in Africa. For vacation from my parents' rather strenuous work dealing with the creation of a language, my family would go to the Indian ocean. Sometimes Mombasa, sometimes, Kilifi, most importantly, we went to the ocean. We would go to the beach, and we would play in the waves, play with the hermit crabs. There was this one time that we found this gigantic hermit crab, it was freaking huge, the shell was like 7 inches long. There is so many good memories wrapped up in our times by the Indian ocean.
After my sister died we took a vacation, kind of to take a break from my parents' work, but also to kind of spend time together as a family, and help us all to smile again. I think it was that trip that I began to associate waves with healing, and rebirth, because I think it was during that vacation that I began to be able to live my life again. I really have no idea how much time elapsed in between when she died and when we went on that vacation, but I honestly don't remember anything in between the two events, besides like random people always being in our house, that's all I can remember.

Being here in Chicago its nice, because I am right by the lake. I can hear the waves if I just walk a hundred yards. Sure, it is not the ocean, but lake Michigan is a large enough body of water that you can't really see the other side anyway, and its mostly the sound that refreshes me, anyway. The sound is so important for me, when I went to the lake during the really cold times here in Chicago and it was frozen, I felt, almost, worse than I did before, just because the water wasn't allowed to make the sound that it wanted to make so desperately.

George, if I were a house, I would want to be a house built by the ocean, too, but I would want to be built by the Indian ocean, so I could always hear the waves.

Lost and found in the Streets of Chicago

The title of this post is a reference to one of my own songs, is that sad? haha.
Today has been a good day. Let me back up, though. This past week was midterms week, and it was horrible. I had two papers, and 4 tests in one week. One of the papers and two of the tests fell on Thursday, so needless to say Thursday was a bad day – too much to do in not enough time. By the time Friday rolled around I had slept an incredible amount the night before and was back to being sane again, which is why, in general, I am doing great, but last week was, as I said, horrible. Yesterday I hung out with Matt Rhea and just enjoyed being, and not have to anything, it was great. Today, though, brought maybe the one of the strangest and yet totally expected adventures of my entire life – bold words, I know. Today I tried out a new church, I had done a little research on it before I actually went (I mean, I'm a modern day church goer, we don't do anything without googling it first, do we?) so I kind of knew what to expect: high church, older congregation, more "conservative" than I am used to, and a ministry to the Dinka Lost Boys that came in 2001, which has since become a ministry to all refugees that come through their doors, or into their view. The church service itself was pretty cool, it reminded me a lot of my experiences at the deepening from back in the day when I was still in youth group, rather than leading it, which was cool. They had an intense amount of incense, which really doesn't bother me anymore, if anything it just enhances things for me. During the service, it was probably the first time I've been in church in a long time and actually been able to just let the service happen and not have to worry about how "cool" something is or how "frustrating" some part was, and I was able to just be, which is the whole point anyway, right? The beautiful part about the church came afterward though, when Matt and I were invited up for their "coffee" hour, which actually turned into lunch, and the meeting of about 100 new amazingly interesting people. First came Abraham, he is a Dinka Deacon at St. Paul's, turns out he knows my mom and is related to one of the priests at St. Bartholomew's, which is absolutely amazing to have that connection, there was another woman who is involved in Sudanese ministry, as well, who also knew my mom, so that was funny. The most random of all the meetings though was this girl, she apparently is the child of Wycliff missionaries and spent time in the Philippines, and grew up in Dallas, TX. Do you ever have the feeling, when you look at someone, you feel like you know them, but you know that you don't, but there's just someting about them that reminds you of something, something inside of yourself? Well, to be honest, this rarely happens for me, because I rarely get the chance to meet people who grew up in similar circumstances as me, but in this case, she has lived a similar life as me, and actually knows people that I know from when I was a child, and that is just absolutely amazing to me, to be able to connect what I am with what I was when I was child.

I was thinking about it, today, and I was wondering how different I am now, as compared with how I was when I was child, and I think I realized that I really haven't changed that much. I am still the observationally inquisitive boy always watching, imitating, learning by modeling, never really doing more than I see around me, being shaped by my environment in every way that I can. I am still the quiet kid, and I am still trying desperately to understand what is happening around me by watching, rather than acting and influencing. I honestly think that that will kind of be true for the rest of my life, and there's not really anything that can be done about it, besides pretending to be something that I am not. Someone told me recently that the classic definition of a hero is "standing up to fate, and in spite of the tides smashing against you, you still do what you are supposed to do", well, I'm not sure I've ever gone against the tide, and I'm pretty sure I've always just gone where I feel that tide take me (its taken me all over the world), and I don't really know if that will ever change, either.

I took a pretty unbelievably refreshing walk today, but that, is for a later time.
I hope you all are well,
peace.

"...whatever most excites you to this"

It is not so essential to think much as to love much; therefore practice whatever most excites you to this.- St. Teresa of Avila
I read this on Ali’s blog tonight. I tried to think of what I could do with my life that excited me to love... the only answer I could come up with was music. When I play music, it brings out the good things inside of me, and it helps to alleviate the bad things by letting me open myself up enough to shed some light on the bad things, without them having to be fully exposed to the world. It is in this quote that I continue to move towards becoming a music major, and find that music might be the thing that I’m truly good at, it is the thing that excites me in a way that nothing else does, and it engages my mind in every way that I find so hard to find. It excites me to love.

All it takes..

All it takes is one night of sleep deprivation and a horrible test to put me on the edge of horrendous emotion destruction (by that I just mean I get really emotional when I am like this). Its bad sometimes.

Ranting about Spanish

I've always told myself I could do anything if I put my mind to it, and that I only didn't know certain things because I've never tried. I've always told myself that any one is capable of learning anything, and that the mind is entirely moldable if you only put the time into it. Maybe that's true, and maybe if I just put more effort into Spanish I would get better grades and learn more, and become better at it, but there's just not enough time in the world to learn a language at the rate they want you to learn it. Its just frustrating to stay up nights on end pouring over flash cards and barely scratch the surface of the depth that they my teachers want us to be at. Like, this is Spanish 102 that I am, and its just insane to be teaching us the complexities of what past and present tense is, while at the same time trying to teach you basic things like Holidays, and grammar for food. Language has always been something that I have imitated, I think most people do it that way, but they want us to learn all the language theory, and all the terms, but never give us enough time to put it into practice, you know? Like, you learn language by being around it, and yet they want us to learn it off a piece of paper, and the little bit that they show us in class... its kinda ridiculous.

This has been a rant.
peace.

Fear of music

So I saw this really amazing show tonight. The artist was Cameron McGill and his set just kicked sooo much ass. However, he is not the reason I am writing. I am writing because of the bands before him. These bands were both relatively talented, doin' what they do best (rocking), but they lacked any sort of emotion, and were just came across because it..... they seemed like they were doing it for the sake of doing it, not because they loved it and as I was sitting there I was just... well, bored, and kind of judged them on their form, or their style, or how old they were (both bands were over 40 and still trying to sound and act like they weren't) and suddenly I realized why I am so afraid of playing in front of people... because I don't want to be judged like I judge other people. I fear my own criticism. I have gotten the point where I am beginning to be really proud of the songs that I write, but I still feel a certain amount of anxiety just because I know how harsh music lovers are (because I am) and I don't want to be one of those bands that opens up for people, and "does the music thing for a while" and I don't want to be 40 still trying to "live the dream" pretending that I don't have responsibilities.

So in light of trying to be more serious about my music (new year's resolution), here is the link to my virb.com site, check it out, and let me know what you think.

Remember

So ever since I left Nashville I have found myself purposefully trying to forget everything that I have been... well, kind of in my entire life. I guess its part of the development of any human being to want to try out different... yous, but for me, its mostly consisted of becoming apathetic and aimless, which, I don't know if you know me well enough to know, but I know for me, I love to have goals, and direction (notice the title of this blog). So, over the course of the last semester and change I have proceeded to try to shift myself into... well, oblivion basically, just to test my limits and figure out who I am more by being rid of all those things that have mattered to me, or rather, what I thought wasn't me. I.E. church.
I have been frustrated with church for a very long time now, and what I have come to realize is that all that frustration I have with church, and the people that participate in it, is entirely frustrations I have inside myself: I find church goers to be hypocritical, because they say they believe in this God and are supposed to worship this God, and enact the ideology that God lays out for the people, but rarely is this true... or rather, I believed that it wasn't. Instead I recognize that my problems with the "average church goer" is actually the problem I have with myself... I am hypocritical, I don't act on what I believe God is, I don't "live out my faith"... so on and so forth.
This is just one example of the realization I have come to.
Anyway, what I really want to talk about right now, more than anything is my quest to my map out my life, chronologically. So often I have all these great memories that shape me, and suddenly they all seem to disappear and I forget about where I have been, and what I have done, or haven't done. So have set up an impossible task, writing out my entire life, on paper, as a means of documenting and reminding myself of everything that has ever been Jeffrey Peter Martin, so that I do/can not forget.

The first three are:
1986, June 3rd, The day I was born.
1989, December 17th, Stephanie is born.
1991, November 11th, Lindsay is born.

I hope this post finds you well.
Peace.

10 Favourite New Tracks of 2007

So my friend Aaron introduced me to the idea of a listening party the other day, the way that he usually goes about this type of party is to invite a bunch of people over and have them each pick a track that they have, that they just love. Well to add a little bit of zest to the concept he added the requirement that it be a track that you heard in the last year that you just absolutely had to share with the group, something you couldn't stop enjoying it, but that you had only heard in the previous year.
I decided to take it a step further and give it a top ten feel. Haha. Basically I've been a music junky and have had tons of time over Christmas break and have actually been able to listen to a ton of music. If you want to listen to any of these songs, go to projectplaylist.com and check 'em out. These tens tracks are not the "best of" anything, but they are my ten favourite new tracks of 2007. So, in no particular order I give you my 10 favourite new tracks of 2007, enjoy:

Hustle Rose
Artist: Metric
Album: Old World Underground, Where Are You Now?
Year: 2003

This track takes a little time to get into, just because it starts off pretty slow, but if you love a breakdown as much as I do you will quickly fall in love with this song. This song has three different movements and an awesome end that you just cannot stop, so enjoy the rock with this track.


Hang Me Up To Dry
Artist: Cold War Kids
Album: Robbers & Cowards

Unfortunately I do not own, or possess this record, however, a friend of mine played me this track and I fell instantly and deeply in love with it. It doesn't sound like anything I've ever heard, I mean obviously it has roots in blues, but its not just one blues artist, but the entire genre that they incorporate, but not rip off. This song from start to finish just kicks serious ass.



Lose My Head
Artist: Damien Jurado
Album: I Break Chairs
Year: 2002

When I first heard this song I was driving up to Chicago, on my way to college, so... well, pretty much anything would have become instantly sentimental in that moment (it did), but this track in particular sticks out to me because of its drive, its... urgency. Usually Damien Jurado is much more Iron & Wine ish, but on this album, which his completely electric album, Damien Jurado just kicks ass – as much as any mellow indie rocker can.


Upward Over the Mountain
Artist: Iron & Wine
Album: The Creek Drank the Cradle
Year: 2002

Before I listened to this song I had really only heard Iron & Wine's cover of Such Great Heights (from Garden State) and after hearing this song I had all but forgotten about such great heights. Upward Over the Mountain has a very dulled drive to it, like listening to hard blues late at night while the player is trying not to wake the neighbours. It has an amazingly addictive lead part, good build ups, and perfectly strange lyrics.


Helena
Artist: Nickel Creek
Album: Why Should the Fire Die?
Year: 2005

This song is so unique not only in its execution but also just in content, it doesn't sound or feel like anything else you could possibly listen to. This song, when you compare it to Nickel Creek's first album – which was my experience – is absolutely mind blowing. Starting off rather slow you might expect it to stay pretty simple, but this song has the crescendo to end all crescendos. Its flawless in its execution, and really makes you have to take a look at the little bluegrass band known as Nickel Creek.


Hallelujah
Artist: David Bazan (Written by Leonerd Cohen)
Album: Live at the Grey Eagle: Asheville, NC 11/04/07
Year: 2007

This is a song that David Bazan has been performing for, I think, a year or two and has changed notably since the last time I heard it. Listening to this song is like listening to a lover talk, every time they stop speaking you seem to miss their voice, David Bazan's voice is at its best in this track, filled with grit and longing you can't help but feel it when he screams "with nothing on my tongue but hallelujah!". This song will be making an appearance on David's upcoming record, which is supposed to be out sometime this year, but I'm not sure an album version can compare with this live version. Check out http://davidbazan.com/ for a copy of this live show, you will not regret it.


Stray Dog And The Chocolate Shake
Artist: Grandaddy
Album: Sumday
Year: 2002

Just generally weird, Grandaddy takes very simple lyrics and makes them work with really well crafted instrumental parts. This song's hook is this really addictive synth part which just won't quit.... so if you're not into that kind of thing, this is not the song for you. However, if you love quirky indie rock, then check out this track its pretty sweet.


I'm Always In Love
Artist: Wilco
Album: Summerteeth
Year: 1999

When you first start this track you just hear that noise... that piercing synth which continues throughout the entire song. Admittedly this song holds a special place on this list because it was the first Wilco track to attract my attention, so its like.... the key hole to a new found love of Wilco. So whatever your opinion is on which Wilco album is best, or which one is the black sheep, I personally hold Summerteeth as my personal favourite, not best, but favourite, because it was my first Wilco love.

Come Downstairs and Say Hello
Artist: Guster
Album: Keep It Together
Year: 2003

This track starts with maybe the best line ever "Dorothy moves to click her ruby shoes with dark side of the moon"... so great. This track starts off very slowly, but you notice a subtle build starting from the very beginning, but about half way through the chord is strum and it goes into build up overdrive, and it just starts building and building and finally explodes into maybe one of the most satisfying break downs ever. The track goes from slow to just pure enjoyment. Definitely high on my list because I can't ever get over how much I like this song. You should also check out Guster's Ganging Up on the Sun album... its pure magic, its everything I've always wanted to hear.


California
Artist: Rogue Wave
Album: Descended Like Vultures

This song... man, where do I even begin? First of all it is written like a piece of symphony music, with layers of acoustic goodness. Once the vocals come in you will be floored by its sheer... otherness. It is unlike anything I have heard in modern rock music. With the reverb and the melody line that Zach Rogue hits you cannot help but equate it more with bollywood than contemporary rock. This song is the perfect combination of bitterness and longing with the opening "screw california" you hear Rogue's almost nostalgic dislike. Its perfect. As much as I don't want to choose a best, I will say this is definitely my favourite new track of 2007, just because of how unlike anything else it is.