Lent pt. 2: Day 1

(for an explanation read “Lent pt. 1: the set up”)

Pre-Lent: So, on Tuesday I drove down to Chattanooga to visit my best friend and have one of his friends cut my hair. Hah, I wanted him there because I wasn’t sure if I had the cojones to actually cut my hair this short unless he was there.
Day 1: When I woke on Wednesday up there was a moment that felt like I had just woken from a bad dream in which I had cut off all my hair, and then I felt my hair and realized that it wasn’t a dream, I had actually done it. I drove back from Chattanooga with a little bit of trepidation, because I knew that when I got home I would have the “oh you got a hair cut” conversation with everyone that saw me. I went to the Ash Wednesday service, and the only thing I could focus on was me, and how naked I felt I couldn’t get out of my head, I couldn’t connect with anyone, I just thought about myself and how silly I must look – apparently it looks great, which causes me even more tension because I’m trying to let go of my vanity... and when someone’s like “you look great” I am just so confused on how to take it, so I just say “thank you”.

The tension that my hair has caused in me has surprised me greatly. I thought that cutting my hair off was going to alleviate some of the stress, but to be honest, it has been the stress. I’m sure by the time Easter rolls around I will be fully sick of black t-shirts and will want to wear lots of colourful clothing, but for right now I can only think of how little hair I have. An interesting side note, I am horribly afraid of becoming bald in my old age, it’s not in my genetics, but just the thought scares the crap out of me. So this is bringing up all those issues as well.

Lent pt. 1: the set up

Over the last couple years I have been continually encouraged to take on some Lenten discipline or another, last year I gave up “liking girls,” because I had just gotten out of a year long relationship and I just wanted to really bring God into my healing process. The year before that I gave up AOL Instant Messenger, because it had kind of absorbed my life, I would spend 2 hours a day on it – yeah... it was bad. This year, I’m taking on something a little different. This year I am “fasting from vanity“ – as Dixon so aptly put it. It’s kind of a culmination of a number of things: things I’ve read, things people have said to me, tensions I’ve been feeling within myself and my culture and wonderings I’ve had since I was very young. My fast will play out like this: I will wear the same thing every day – or rather what looks like the same thing, I decided I’d get multiple different black t-shirts for hygienic reasons – and cutting my hair really short. – if you’ve ever seen David Bazan you’ll have a pretty clear idea of what I look like. The practice goes deeper then just looks, however, I think it force me to face my own insecurities with the way I look, and be present to God in that place of selfishness.

I’m pretty excited about the discipline, because it not only involves abstaining from something, but it’s bigger than that; it inspires me to be postured towards God, since every movement I make, every time I look in the mirror, every time the wind blows I am reminded of the presence of God. I don’t know how it will play out yet, exactly, but I know that I am really nervous about it, and I believe that it’s going to be very meaningful for me.
peace to you.

i need directions

So I was surfing around on explodingdog.com trying to find one of my favourite pictures of all time (which can be found here) and I ran into this image that is aptly titled "I need direction"
I have recently rediscovered my love of exploding dog.
peace.